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KLilesI
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Name: Kenny
Birthday: 7/27/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: purple hippos, learning bass, weird lights, writing non-fiction, waking up, listening to music, being outdoors, debate and public speaking, "inward" growth, keeping a scholarship
Expertise: walking, playing drums, i'm good at wishing, worrying, excellent breather, intimate conversation (with whoever), honesty, expert church attender,
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  brokenbo
Member Since:
7/8/2005
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| so. i was bored at work today. i read through every one of my old xanga entries. . . and just when i started longing for yesterday a thought hit me. "there is no room for nostalgia in the kingdom of God" not because memories aren't good, just because the kingdom life is lived in the present and is forward-facing. i told myself a long time ago i would live life on purpose. no room for anxiety. no room for worry. (which are both negative faiths). only room for life in Christ. here. now. forever. so there it is - my first entry in 7 months. peace on earth | | |
| i did my first open mic night thursday. it went well. got some laughs, some applause, and no negative feedback. i sang 3 songs that i've written, (two in the last two weeks.)
i enjoyed it so much, it reminded me of fight club, when the protagonist becomes addicted to support groups, even if they don't have anything to do with his situation. i could see myself going out to do 2 open mic shows per night. ha.
i guess it really seems that i am at war with capital letters, eh? i just realized that.
i am coming to arkansas the week of thanksgiving. i am so looking forward to all the faces and all the hugs. hopefully i can make it up to nwa for at least a day.
anyways, i wish i could tell you everything i feel. and i'm sure i will, one day.
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| and if i'm bigger than my body,
why do i feel so small? and you don't even know it, you don't even know it.
but my back is almost breakin',
wish it would just snap and fall,
but you won't even know it, you won't even know it.
but tonight...
all the walls are breaking down.
tonight...
all the lost will become found.
tonight...
my fears take the back seat.
tonight...
i am finally complete.
and if i'm so sure of myself now,
why can't my self be heard?
and you don't even know it, you don't even know it.
but i'm bending over backwards,
just to keep my own word.
and you won't even know it, you won't even know
but tonight...
all the walls are breaking down.
tonight...
all the lost will become found.
tonight...
my fears take the back seat.
tonight...
i am finally complete.
and all this time i've been bangin' my head against a wall that i made up.
and all this time you've been beggin' me to crawl my way back up.
and tonight...
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| oh what silent woe, what untold misery is within a stone's throw. and you.
you blankly stare at the road, driving your mercedes benz that I heard doesn't score well according to the consumer report's trends.. and why?
why does it even matter? while those of the same human race, from the same earthly place, pass on.
riding the black train, their ticket stamped with "Want and Lack", definitely not "Gluttony or Waste."
how does one reconcile the two? where is the shalom? restoration is in what realm? and all the answers diffuse into a million pellets to weak to slice through the castle-of-cards system.
we are showing strength but living in weakness.
we point at others and weep to ourselves.
we don't yet weep, but we will
soon.
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| Oh that I were that fair one,
that at your call, I would rise and run..
like the morning sun.
And be not awake in the black of night,
in love with the moon and its dark light.
Oh that Spring petals were in my gaze,
not the end, but beginning, of days
not dead of Winter, but bursts of life,
and in cool rain souls like mine find delight.
but in brokenness there is strength.
in flaw there is beauty.
into my nature pours You.
yes, who you are flows into me.
For what is sun? and what is light,
if the seeker in You does not them find?
and where is Spring? and what is truth
except that freedom that is borne of You?
I am that fair one, I will rise and I will run
at one whisper. one call... one.
I see the Spring, I know that life,
that cool rain my soul's delight
For inside you I live I breathe, I walk I move,
I drink I eat.
Out of you there is nothing, worth time, worth life,
worth breath worth me.
Into my soul flows more of thee
and out of it-- the art in me.
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